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Today’s Miracle Moment is about how to escape the approval-seeking trap…
We’ve all experienced wanting to be accepted by other people and to get their approval. While this is a normal feeling, trying to get this kind of external validation can leave us feeling disempowered–that’s the price of being caught in the approval-seeking trap!
To free yourself from the approval-seeking trap, start by becoming aware of any of your approval-seeking patterns. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you follow your heart, or do you follow the voices of others instead?
- Are you able to say no and set healthy boundaries in your relationships? Or do you overstep your preferences to please others?
- Do you view rejection as “God’s protection” (i.e., the universe guiding you to something better suited for you)? Or do you take rejection personally?
To escape the approval-seeking trap, we need to build new patterns of self-love and self-celebration.
Maintaining healthy self-esteem requires learning to fill ourselves up from the inside out. We can do this through validating, acknowledging, and loving ourselves completely and unconditionally. Most people don’t do this, and it just needs a little practice.
Here’s an exercise you can do to start building the circuitry of self-validation and celebration:
- When you act or speak in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, stop and acknowledge it.
- Reward yourself with praise and joy.
- You can tap your heart or do a little internal victory dance. The important thing is that you acknowledge yourself.
You can also do this any time you experience a “win” in your life. For example: getting a new job, doing an act of self-care, or working towards a creative goal. Take a moment to celebrate your win!
Self-acknowledgement helps us to shift from looking outside of ourselves for approval to validating ourselves instead.
When we’re celebrating ourselves, we’re supporting our brain chemistry to experience happiness, joy, and fulfillment in life. The more that we build these circuits, the more that we can stay in an ongoing state of self-love. You can start simply by celebrating yourself in small baby steps each day.
“Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment for validation or security or love. You have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” – Eckhart Tolle
I tap my third eye anytime something brings me joy. It could be something I said or did, or it could be something like the joy looking at the ocean brings. I tap it in and smile.
I understand you have to celebrate yourself and your Victories, but you also need other people and relationships in life….. I understand you have to build that sense of confidence from inside out and that expression of your true essence will draw the right folks that are meant to find you,.. to you ….. , I’m finding difficulties expressing myself out into the world with just Love and humility and the wanting to help I feel so deeply being felt by others … I also understand that I can’t control how others perceive me ..but I’m wondering if others are having challenges with finding the balance in congratulating and celebrating yourself in a way that builds that true self confidence without the ego issues coloring your intentions? Thankyou
Thank you for the beautiful reminders. The ‘treasure within’ is the Source that is dividing my cells, turning my breath, and beating my heart, sending my blood through veins and arteries that can circle the earth. It has been doing this since before I was born and will continue until I die, and needs nothing from me for it, except to glorify it and be grateful. Feeling into these realities is celebrating myself. Sometimes when I cannot reach this understanding, I reach out and take the hand of the frightened or scattered one and reassure her. When I cannot reach her, I feel into my breath, which is always there, and ask for help, which is also always there.
I am celebrating the beautiful reminder that brings me back home within myself:) You both are amazing teachers and mentors, I have huge gratitude for the “touchstones” your teachings are to my soul:))))
Thank you so much – I love and appriciate you both, dear Marci and dear Dr.Sue <3
I celebrate myself with a more or less loud YAY ME!!!! and I trow my arms in the air – sometimes only in my head but that is enough! 😀
Love & Miracles & Gratitude,
Natasa
off and on, I look in the mirror at me, and say” Lori, you are wonderful, I love you, and this is one of the best days of your life! Everything is working together for your highest good”. I silently or out loud bless all the people in their cars driving near me with peace, love and harmony as well.
I loved this message so much! I shared it with my 84 year old mom who is struggling with self confidence right now. Hoping it will help her, thank you!! xoxo
Every evening I have my Gratitude entries: what I am grateful for today, and what I appreciate about myself and what I have done today. I also make an entry about how I appreciate Money for what it can give me, others, and the world. This work matters, and opens me to joy!
I truly am grateful for so many things, and some of them aren’t often acknowledged: water, good food, electricity, a safe house, beloved friends… it goes on.
I remember how delighted I was a child when I knew I’d done well and instantly got a ‘put down’ that I was being ‘big-headed”. Over the years I stopped doing it, and waited for outside validation. It never came from my family,
The first time I ever felt really appreciated was it in my first job – I was so unused to praise that I immediately shrank back, but he was man and noticed my reaction. He continued to stretch me, thank me and honour my successes. I owe him a great deal.
I started the self doubt again when my marriage ended, Recovered to a large degree, only to find myself later in a narcissistic relationship.
My current assessment would be that I know when I’ve done well, and no longer expect outside validation. But when it comes, and it’s sincere, I relish it with an inward glow, and deeply appreciate it. I think I no longer use asides like “oh it was nothing”.
I also can see there are areas were I’m reluctant to step up for fear of negative reactions. These are the areas I have to overcome.
Wow, such a simple message, yet so so powerful. Especially for someone raised to please everyone else. This message was a major breakthrough for me. I can feel the shift back to my center, more than just cognitively recognizing that my relationship with myself is the most important. Thank you so so much! 💖💖💖
In the experience of having a house built, I find that it’s necessary for me to “jump in” to make sure everyone is doing their job! It’s a bit overwhelming with everything else that’s happening in my life (a lot!) and yet feels sooooo good that I am able to step up and speak out for myself. I am finally feeling like a “true adult woman.” Ha! A great feeling!
In the process of having a house built, I am finding the need to make sure that everyone is doing their job. Although I am super busy and it sometimes feel overwhelming, it also feels terrrrrific to speak out and stand up for myself! Finally, I feel like a “true adult woman!” Ha! I am soooo empowered!…
Thank you for this beautiful reminder to return to the wonderful, unrepeatable treasure within
Love love love you ladies!!! And your message, thank you!!
I compliment my mirror image now and walk away feeling beautiful and confident. I compliment my paintings as I walk past them in my home and appreciate my artistic talent. Yay, ME!
Thank you! <3
I m transitioning. I seem to be going back and forth. Letting go of negative communication is being totally aware. I find that when I write an email I might start out in old communication when I read what I have written I catch myself. I keep telling myself I am changing and it is ok. Thank you for your healings.